Top 10 English Jokes

A lecture about English

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

 Butter

A: Shall I tell you a secret about butter?
B: You'd better not. I might spread it.

Missed call

Santa & Banta got tired using cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send messages. And this scheme worked very fine.
One day Santa sends his pigeon.
Banta sees the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any message.
Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.

Laloo Rabri Jokes

Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car? Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident. 

A Sardar Doctor

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl. Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday. Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ?? Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Enviroments

English joke 2: Enviroments Enviroments (fwd) 1. Life environment: (Wise man) + (Wise woman) =ROMANCE (Wise man) + (Dumb woman) =AFFAIR (Dumb man) + (Wise woman) =DIVORCE (Dumb man) + (Dumb woman) =MARRIAGE 2. Work environment: (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) =PROFIT (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) =PRODUCTION (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) =PROMOTION (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) =OVERTIME (plenty of)

Right and Wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

car speed

Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car?

Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.

suicide

Santa: Why are you heating the knife.
Banta: To do suicide.
Santa: But why are you heating it?
Banta: To prevent infection.

All The Details....

A little woman called "Mount Sainai" Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? Hello, Dearie. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, soup to nuts, from A to Z."
The voice on the other line said, "Would you hold the line please, that's quite an unusual request."
Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"
She said, "Yes, dearie! Thank you! Now, I'd like to know the information about Serena Hossleberg in Room 622."
He said, "OK give me minute to bring up that file..."
Ok here we are... Now, Mrs. Hossleberg is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home next Thursday."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home next Thursday! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful, wonderful news!"
The guy on the other end says, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."
She said, "What close family? I AM Serena Hossleberg!! My silly doctor just won't tell me anything."